So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
