If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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