i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
