Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
try to milk me bitch
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