Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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