just survived the first fart of the relationship.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
