she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
do nipples grow back?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
