I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
