I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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