Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We have started to decorate penises.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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