He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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