I got chris browned last night
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
