and next time when you feel me up, do it right
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
