i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
