so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
