Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
porn star boner night. come get it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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