all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
