hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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