Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
