So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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