So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
