I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
