This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
