Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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