Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
