can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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