I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
