Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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