You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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