i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
