The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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