She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
