He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
