jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
