that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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