did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
