well you can't waste a boner
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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