my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
