Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Congratulations! We have a period
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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