once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
