I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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