If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
