New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
