I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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