I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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