literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
