Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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