I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In other news, I just burned my penis
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
