i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
People in love make me want to vomit
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
