feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
