I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
