In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
