Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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