when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
