dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
