i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
